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“Cinta Monyet” make me always in trouble.
And most important, it was change me to another person. With love by my side,
that make me became a liar, cruel towards my lover and myself, bad. Sometime I
ask myself “what’s wrong with love” but that question didn’t suit with me. The
best question is “what’s wrong with me”? I can’t life with love. That totally
make me worse and I can be honest with myself.
I
really hope that my first love is only man that in my deep heart. I have done
try to accept him as my lover but pity me that I can’t put him as my man that
place in my heart. That totally cruel and I feel so bad. I have try to accept
him and love him as he are but I’m not good enough for sacrifice his life and
be a liar all time. I do love him but not as my man, just only a friend. I’m
always afraid for losing a friend and I also scared that he will left me and
don’t want became my friend anymore. I just want he became my best friend and
always besides me when I need him.
I
do have someone else in my heart but I thought that I haven forget about that
man. That true is that man still in my heart and my mind. I’m never forgetting
about him even seinci. That man has been long time stay in my heart and because
him I’m never accept other man in my life. So sick and feel very down when I
saw him with other woman or we can said his girlfriend. I’m never dream that I
can become his special one. That I hope is at least I want be his friend, a
good friend. I want always by his sides and help him when he needs somebody.
Actually, he is not my type but don’t know why I want to stick toward him, only
him even I’m no one. I always remind myself that my feeling is only nafsu but
when I alone, I will always think about him.
When
I meet him, my first lover I hope that he can make me forget about ‘him’. When
I accept he as my lover, I’m not have any feeling but I do I try to make some
feeling later. But there’s useless cause he have found another love or what we
can called ‘true love’. That girl really love him and he looks so happy. And of
course I should happy for him. I admit that my heart beat will move fast when I’m
read or stalk their conversation but there’s no use to regret. I hope that girl
will always love him and give the true love to him cause I totally can’t do
that. Now, I lost everything but I’m not regret cause I know Allah always by my
sides.
*Kasih saying dan cinta lahir dari hati yang suci. Tiada paksaan dan tiada kerelaan.
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